Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
