i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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