that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
