I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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