My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am available for nakedness
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
