sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
