cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
