I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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