from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
