I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
