Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
