if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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