If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
