i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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