yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
