and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
