Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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