Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
