i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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