Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
