She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
