Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
