His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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