i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have demons in me.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
