I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
