If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
