where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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