I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
