Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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