So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
