Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
