She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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