My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
