i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
