What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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