In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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