this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
