when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
