Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
