ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
we should paint friendship bongs
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