I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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