Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
