i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
