Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm really busy with my period
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