Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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