I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
