people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
