just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
