You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
