My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
