He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
