no, he came in my armpit
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
