How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
