Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
