how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
