She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
