It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
