she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
